just a note about manhood

Yes, logically I know I risk a lot trying to have a female conversation with a six year old boy! But what woman crying like a faucet all day has logic? HA HA

Question

What does it mean to you to be still and know that He is God?"

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Manhood training begins @ 6

Brent and I have been wearily working with Jordy on the concept that the world doesn't spin around him and that everything is not his business. I'm telling you, this kid can drive you nuts with "watcha talking about? Who was that on the phone? Whatcha doing?" So we are constantly telling him nunya, no need to know, everything isn't always about you! etc.,

So, now that you understand that I can share with you that today I've been crying...kinda like a faucet. On and off again all day. A little leaky. One of the times it was turned on pretty full flow (Brent's at work) I asked Jordan for a hug, he gave me one and very sweetly asks (as every cute mama's boy does)

"Mom what's wrong".

I said "do you want to sit with me and talk about it? " (he'll always listen, he's my baby)

So, here I go. "Well, there is just a lot of change going on. Your daddy's schedule changed, our helper changed this week so that we can find a new...."

"Mom, isn't this dirt on the inside of my shoe gross? How do I get it off my shoe?"

"helper."

"What can I use to scrape it off with?" Are his eyes are actually glazed over!?

"Use that playing card right there, its trash. Now do you want to play in that dirt or talk to me?"

"You are going to make me cry if I listen to anymore of this!"

So you women know that this just makes me cry even more. Now the only person in the house that I have any hope of understanding me doesn't want to listen...what am I going to do get my 2 year old daughter to listen or the dog? I'm really feeling sorry for myself when mr. genuine feelings pops back in the room with his dirt ball sandals and says,

"Well, mom I was thinking, at least I know everything isn't all about me!"

ps. no, I'm not pmsing though I wish that was the answer!

August

August...summer monsoons. If I can't spell that right it's because I haven't had the pleasure of seeing much of them in action this year. We didn't have many rains to brag about. But one in July when I let Jordy put on his sweatshirt and boots and play in the rain for about 30 minuts-jump in the mud until you're too cold to stand it! Then this last weekend we had some great rain surely not enough to clean the car after putting mud all over it....but it sure was beautiful to go step out in & get drenched! I loved every minute of it.

In mid-July I took a long list of health issues and questions I had to my general practioner and she catergorized them for me by specialist and handled her duties that day had her assistant start on a bunch of referrals and insurance authorizations for some tests. So, now I see general practioner for basic health and basic hub of all medical then I have neurologist, rheumotologist (fibromyalgia), psychiatrist, etc., I'm trying to think of the easiest way to update you all....
July-beginning of August was full of a lot of health complications. Odd dizziness, having to stop myself from passing out several times, having pettymal seizures (starring in space) seizures that caused my head, shoulders and the right side of my body to flail and leave me speachless for up to hours on end; a few changes of health, life and medication for my bi-polar have caught me battling a lot of depression; with all of that a bad flare up of fibromyalsia caught me by suprise and when I realized what it was I started crying because I'd forgotten that I battle that too!
We believe we have found the cause of everything listed above through the seizures. I'm being watched carefully still. I have started going to a chiropractor who has had success treating fibro patients. That flare up I'd mentioned was in my neck it was a headache of 10 days and he broke it the first adjustment. They are still working on my muscles with my flare up it isn't calming down yet. But anyone who knows about fibro knows that tension (children going through new phases which include a lot of tests, and change that is difficult for us to deal with) is not our best friend so it kinda slows us down.
Due to all the seizure activity I have not been driving since the end of June or so. I am so relaxed allowing others to drive yet I miss my independance. Needing others to come by and visit to check on me and the kids (though I don't need them here all day any more) is difficult for me. On the side that I'm lonely and feel like I am partly home bound it's easy to understand the need, but it is difficult for me to reach out and continue to ask for help because I find another layer of fleshly control and stubborness and self pitty getting in the way, yeah it's hard.

Why are we so afraid to be ourselves with each other? Are we so set up for rejection that we have to protect ourselves so strongly that we can't be ourselves? I think not! Oh, how we fool ourselves, if we'd just put down our guards for even one minute how many of us could relate to what the other is going through and how many of us would be healed? I'm not trying to be on a soap box, I do it my self. That is why I'm crying so hard right now.

Lord Jesus forgive me and help me to be more like you. More reliant on you and understanding that you are my provider of all things. Help me to continue to share my journey to give you the glory and that others may come to know You in Your goodness and have a closer relationship with You.