Love, Honor and Respect

I received an email today, and this paragraph (offset in brown text instead of black text to set apart from mine) sent my mind spinning…(I know it doesn’t take much right now! Hey, there was a funny – yes the laughter is still buried in there somewhere)

It feels selfish, egotistical to “love” ourselves, but instead of being egotistical, it is absolutely essential. Remember, the Bible says to Love others as you love yourself. I began on the journey of loving and respecting myself, (I actually thought I already did) I knew I loved my kids, so for someone to say, “You can’t love someone else unless you love yourself” made no sense to me! But what I found was that once I began to truly love, honor and respect myself, I then could love my children more completely. I loved them from strength rather than from need.

Brent and I have been blessed in the last few years with the gift of being introduced to the series “Love and Respect” (many of you may be familiar with it. When the CD version was first given to us to listen to it was first difficult for me to receive as I thought it was just one more way of being told I had no respect for my husband. But what I have now been able to verbalize after a lot of healing is that no one ever taught me what that means. Now as I’m reading the statement above I’m contemplating the thought that while I have always known there has never been any love for myself have I ever known how to respect or honor myself? What does that mean?

Those who have known me for years know I was not taught to respect and honor my mother and at 39 I am still learning and regretting years of that pain. Then about a month ago I sat at my table and cried with a friend as we discussed the thought that the God tells us to honor our mother and father in the Bible with no conditions. He doesn’t tell you to honor them if they meet up to your expectations or their sins aren’t bigger than yours….God I don’t understand you want me to unconditionally love my parents and honor them and respect them and at this point I was going to say who taught me to do this? Oh God help me my unbelief! When I’m just to weak to look up to you and I just don’t get that you were there all along! Forgive me and pick me up. Thank you that you are unconditional!

Boy's Best Friend, Mommy's "Rocky Road"

After much waiting and praying, Saturday I woke up crying-"I don't know how much longer I can wait for a doggy slobber of my own!" Brent told mom, "take her and the kids to check the mail if there is no good news from the Golden Retriever Rescue go find her a dog." Ten hours later we returned home exhausted with "Rocky Road's" adoption paper's in hand, and an appointment to pick him up from his surgery the next day. My Mom had been hoping we'd find a female medium height but when I took a small unknown mix female out to pen to get to know her (read 9 month old as 9yr old-wow was that BIG mistake! she stood on all 4 and jumped over my head when I threw the ball to see if she knew how to play fetch- I told Mike, my helper this is definately not a dog for my family!) Mom decided calm was more important than gender and that is when I went and got "un-named" Rocky to meet the family and it was love at first sight. He was so calm he didn't want to get up for Mike but when Mike had me get in pen Rocky got up and got right in "gate" with my step. We had a great walk together. How he got his name is they had a desert landscaping area that had a boulder upfront and bigger rock behind, Rocky of course wanted to pee on the boulder 5 or 10 or 20 times fine with me but then he wanted to pee on the rocks behind the boulder I told him no, I can't walk on those rocks and if you try to go back there I'm going to have to name you Rocky.....up and over the boulder Rocky went hence....Rocky! When I shared his name with a dear friend she said of course you named the dog Rocky, this last few months has been a very Rocky Road for you and remember Rocky Road ice-cream is the best....especially Breyers with the chocolate covered almonds and marshmellow swirls! Hence....Boy's Best friend, Mommy's Rocky Road!

He's gorgeous! 50 lb Lab mix small for a lab and most mellow lab you could ever have met! He didn't even bark until coming home after slipping his collar on a walk with Daddy this morning and running the neighborhood for 6 hours this morning. We are seeking obedience classes immediately! Tightened the collar too!

Kids are good with him and he is great with them. Think Brent bonded more with him today in my chaos of having him loose for all those hours. I'm so happy to have a dog!

200K Wonder in Winter WonderLand

Thank you Lord for the soon to be four years of blessed use we have had out of this wonderful van which rolled over 200,000 miles. If you look close though in this picture that isn't the only blessing displayed! For this 200,000 Wonder is parked in a Winter Wonder land! We had 2 hours of snow flurries yesterday. This picture was captured by Jordan our uprising photographer. Yes, all that white is the snow blanketed down for over one hour. It was beautiful.
Of course remember, we live on the high part of the "bowl" of the valley our elevation is about 2980 I think, a dear friend of mine in the middle of the "bowl" didn't even know it rained. That's what's fun about the rain, in 5 minutes you could please us all~!

Karen's Prayer

I came across Ps 3 and I called my husband to verify that I'd not be taking this chapter out of context to consider “enemies” pressing in against David as “emotions” instead of people. So this is my prayer to God thinking of the emotional battle I’m in right now.
Please first read Psalms 3 from the King James version then read my prayer, you are welcome and encouraged to share my prayer with others you may feel may benefit from it please include the title "Karen's prayer and above paragraph and prayer in entirety" when doing so!
1. Lord, how great and loud are these voices of fear and lies that torment my mind and trouble me! Many are they that rise up against me!
2. Many there be which say of my soul, there is no help for him (her) in God, give up!
3. But You Oh Lord, are a shield for me! You are my glory! And the lifter of my head I have to feel no shame!
4. I have cried unto God with a loud voice, He heard me and ministers to me!
5. I can lie down to sleep and know that God will sustain me.
6. I will no longer face alone the tens of thousands of fears and doubts that set themselves against me all around me.
7. Arise Oh Lord; Save me! Oh my God! For you have smitten all mine enemies upon the cheekbone; you have broken the teeth of my tormentors.
8. Salvation belongs unto the Lord: thy blessing is upon thy people.

So, what's going on with Karen?

Ok, so if you have spent much time with me at all in the right setting, I have just enough ‘control freak’ in me for you to have seen that I love to be the center of attention and that I really want to have a lot of fun- especially if it involves coffee and doing things my way, did I mention I’m a control freak? But lately I’m surprised to hear that there may actually be some out there that don’t know that I like to be the center of attention, to have a great time and that I can be really funny. They don’t know that I love to laugh and at one point I had a great sense of humor.

I have invited many of you to my blog for the first time to tell you all what I’m going through at once; many of you for the first time will be seeing me be transparent and vulnerable.

I have been experiencing various pain for some time now. One type of pain I was reminded started 18 months ago. They wanted to operate to correct the problem, immediately, and for reasons beyond my control, and now I thank God, I never had the operation. But over the last six months I have been living with chronic severe pain and chronic fatigue. I have asked my husband and mother to keep it a secret because I didn’t want anyone feeling sorry for me. Now I know that what I was really afraid of while my body was rapidly attacking it’s self and I was loosing muscle control, was not being “the strong one” anymore. I was scared of becoming dependant on others and how it was affecting my interaction with my children and I was trying to hide it all. This stress mixed with the stress of doing “too much” at the pregnancy center, and then stepping down from Executive Director @ the pregnancy center which meant for the first time in 20 years I’d not be reporting to a job, my system went on overload and I had a melt down!

As you know I spent a few days in the hospital after being taken to the emergency room November 17, 2008 for being confused and disorientated. On the way to the emergency room my husband held me through a seizure. I was admitted into the hospital for more tests because the CT scan and chest x-ray revealed no stroke, heart attack or seizure. The ER Doctor said I’m looking at the symptoms like a stroke and there is a syndrome that can bring on 24 hour paralysis after a seizure but tests don’t show what my husband watched happen as he held me.

Now, they know that I’m experiencing migraines (I didn’t know that some of the headaches I have are migraines--I’ve had headaches my entire life most days of my life); and that the migraines bring on panic attacks and that the panic attacks can cause me to hyper-ventilate which could cause my body to do many things. It did not surprise the Dr. explaining all this too me that it was like a seizure. He has many patients that cause themselves to pass out with their panic attacks from migraines. But they also did some more testing, some emotional testing, and they think that I’ve held too much stress in. One theory I’ve heard is that they think my body is shutting itself down in self-defense. But the basic consensus is that I’m experiencing a chemical imbalance in the brain, that I’m PROBABLY bipolar. My general practitioner has diagnosed that already but my counselor said she isn’t ready to put a definite diagnosis on it yet. She says I definitely fit the criteria, but we need to re-evaluate once we can weed out the many short term stressors going on.

I have been gluten free for over three months now, but that doesn’t help the chronic pain or fatigue. However, the septic systems of Pahrump have screamed Hallelujah. I’ve also finally found some great wheat-gluten free flour I love!

MRI did not reveal MS like we were anticipating. When I started having major involuntary muscle spasms I prayed, “Lord, even if you want me to have something like MS I’m ok with it. I just want you to be glorified. I want to be able to praise you in all things.” (Bipolar never would have come to mind to fill in that MS blank; anything but a mind /emotional disorder, right? Come on now “I’m a control freak!” EXACTLY!)

So, I’m sitting in the Neurologists office the day after I’m released from the hospital following up with his nurse practitioner and he is asking me about my stress level. I make like a snorting noise and say what stress….are you kidding me? Start sobbing, “Josh, you know what the worst part of this whole thing is? I’m a born again Christian who spends way too much time bragging about being a stinking control freak when the bottom line is, GOD is suppose to be in control of my life!” I don’t even know if he is a Christian or not, poor guy. Oh, Lord I pray for Josh right now. Please use my words to him any way you can! May you be glorified!

For the time being I get to have lots of company while they find the right med’s for me, as they don’t want the kids and me alone while Brent and Mom are at work. So if you want to come have a freshly brewed cup of steamy hot coffee with my favorite vanilla-cinnamon creamer, come get a heaping helping of Taylor hospitality.

Through this all, I’m learning to enjoy each and every kiss and hug even more. You can never ever, ever say I love you enough! Tomorrow is not guaranteed to any of us and I am learning to quit feeling guilty for not making promises, commitments and expectations (that is the hardest – ok so I probably haven’t changed that one yet) about tomorrow and let tomorrow bring what it might. I may say I want to do such and such tomorrow and tentatively let’s plan to but I’m learning to be much more flexible. That is something I lost a long time ago.

A few of you that I have confided this in already have asked, “do you really believe you have a chemical imbalance?” Yes, it’s the only thing to me that explains why I don’t (feel) recognize one shred of myself. You may occasionally get a glimpse of the mask I may find laying around somewhere but ME….no one…not even my mom recognizes at times. I know that the enemy of our soul roams around like a lion seeking whom he may devour and I believe that I have been a prime target for attack for the stands that I have taken in the pro-life movement and I remember once losing my voice after telling a young man when prompted by the Holy Spirit that abortion is murder, this is one major reason why I covet many prayers right now and praise God that I have found a counselor who is not only a born again Christian but familiar and supportive of the pregnancy resource centers and pro-life movement. She does believe that I have bottled a lot in the last two years and that it was a great loss for me personally to step down from my position at the center and somewhere along the line I surrendered my identity to the identity of the center and I agree this is not proper and I caution all leadership of PRC’s to ask God to examine your heart and show you if you have lost you before it’s too late! Imbalance is not a sin, the neurons misfiring and not sending the proper messages is not a sin; the initial battle I fought walking out of my GP’s office that day was “how can I be bipolar and a born again Christian? I thought you are one or the other?” My counselor reminded me that our brains are comprised of neuron transmitters and chemical balances are necessary. I am in fact only responsible for my reaction to these misfiring neurons and chemical imbalances.

This sanguine who wants to be the life of the party and have every one like her, mixed with choleric who likes to control things just a LITTLE too much; is choosing once again to lay it all down at the foot of the cross where we are all equal and where we are all sinners and it really doesn’t matter that I’ve been vulnerable and transparent.
What matters the most is that God receives all the glory and honor and praise! What matters is that He is still on the throne and that none of this surprised Him There are countless ways that my husband and I have been able to see God’s hand through timing and directing the events and timing of the last 22 days since I originally began melting down. My favorite song right now, in this space in time, has become Blessed be the name: “On the road marked with suffering when there is pain in the offering blessed be your name, every blessing you pour out I’ll turn back to praise”….I think that is right….

Good night all and to all a good night. I love you.

Something a Mom shouldn't hear

"Ouch! Mom, your beard is poking me. No more hugs until you pluck your whiskers!"
True. All that is true, but it just ain't right! Goodmorning to me! Snuggle time...will it ever be the same?

Lost Love Hold Loosely

Today was a very sad day in our house. I'd already received the heartbreaking call when Jordan came running, sleepy-wide-eyed boy excited...."Mama, don't forget today is the day that Papa said we can pick up B....." I began sobbing and shook my head no as I watched my 5 year old looking forward to receiving his knew friend Buddy into our home. Love found and lost all in less than 24 hours.
On my way to Walmart to buy the dog food, colar, auto-water bowl and chew toy, I had this sinking feeling that of course I ignored...just pick up the dog before you shop. How crazy is that? Well, when I received the call; "Hello, you just called about Buddy, we've decided to keep him. My wife has fallen in love with him." I spent the next mile driving home angry. I wanted to yell, but what about me? What about my mom? My children we all love Buddy!
Hold on to things of this world loosely. They can be as vapor.
At least it served as a wake up call to Brent that we are serious when we say it is time to get a dog! We now have his blessings and our priorities listed. We're on the search.

Now seeking one child loving, attention starved dog! Prefer young female (18-mo's to 3 yrs ideal). Golden Retriever, Lab, German Shepard breeds. Excellent blessing from God would be a service dog flunky - but we're open to any way to find the 'right' dog for us.

Slow down....School zone

My pop said to me Sunday, "Karen, I see you out driving around town more now then I did when you were working full-time. Are you sure you are a 'stay at home' mom/'home'school teacher?"
Yes, but amazingly enough life doesn't seem to slow down automatically when we trade out hats. All we did is change our appearance. But is that what I set out to do?
Don't I really want a slower pace life and time to enjoy my kids while they are this age and with me (though Jordan 5, asked if when he gets married couldn't he and his wife just live with us...."or will Oma's house have enough room for us?" )Yikes!----I'm still considering it a blessing to be close enough to my mom in relationship that we can live with her while it's God's timing and remain content and happy.
I am starting this next level of transition by proclaiming that I will not feel guilty for slowing the pace a bit and taking things a little slower.

Time Flies

How does the time go by so fast and where does it go?
Jordan has this special way of identifying the time frame of an activity by saying "not today, not the next today, not the next today..." five minutes into the 'next today's' and you are spinning wondering is the event ever going to get here? Yet, reality tells me that he is going to be driving an actual vehicle (not just me crazy) in the equivalence of 5 seconds.
I can't believe two entire weeks have gone by with a post. The first official week of homeschool was awesome! Jordan and I were invited to attend kindergarten for a day where Brent works; I came home with wonderful ideas and Jordan came home knowing that school is not a game that Mom and Dad made up that participation is a voting matter! (Does any other Mom out there get tired of hearing whether or not your child really wants to do something?---My poor Mom I remember too vividly telling her when I didn't want to do something. I am sure my tone was much friendlier than Jordy's and I looked cuter saying it! LOL)
Of course, time is flying right now and somehow I've been on the computer too long. My family is calling and I have to jump and run. More later!

First Week at Home!
I'm loving this. I still have this pit in my stomache-that feeling like I've done something wrong and I'm going to get in big trouble and when I examine myself "I forgot to go to work all week!" "Oh no you didn't self, you don't have employment any longer!" YEAH!
Yes, each day I've had overwhelmed moments with the children. It is so worth it though!
Brent and I have been able to spend some quality time together and are learning each other more and more. (He actually said, "I'm available for some face to face time if you need it"-last night when he came home from work. We learned in our marriage conference that women need face to face communication. Look at me and listen-don't fix, don't distract, just listen.
Monday is first official day of Homeschool. I'm not ready but will be - hopefully procrastination is one of the qualities that can be corrected while at home:-)

39??? 19 All over again!?

How on earth can I mind turning 39 years old this year when I look 91? OOOPS! That is 19! I may move like I'm 91 but with braces on my teeth and zits all over who could guess a day over 19?
Let the fun begin before the pain sets in! Ps. I need ideas for soft food:-)

Psalm 113:9

"He maketh the barren woman to keep house, and to be a joyful mother of children, Praise ye the Lord."

We can read the scriptures over and over and seem to find something new, like we have never seen it there before. Then there are times that we have read the same scripture twenty times and the twenty first time it will mean something new to us. I love God's word!

Thank you Lord for calling this once barren woman to stay home and keep house and be a joyful mother of children!

o'dark thirty

I am so glad that I don't have to know it all, solve it all and fix it all! What a mess we'd all be in. It's after 10pm and I was in that fight of "how can I sleep when I still have all these problems to solve mode". That's a useless fight for me. I always know which side of the fight will loose, so with age comes experience, so finally I've gotten old enough (?) to realize I might as well get up and leave the room we're pulling a late shift tonight! Might as well perk some coffee when I'm in this mode!
But why? As a sanguine I'm all about having fun, all attention on me, let the party begin. Oh, do I so easily forget that I'm a choloric-sanguine so I'm also primarily a control freak! I get so agravated at Mr. Phlegmatic Taylor when we are arguing (oops...did I admit we argue?) at o'dark hundred that left to his own self he can start snoring in the middle and as my elbow is jamming into that hallow place in his rib cage reminding him how grateful he is that I was designed from that missing rib (ha ha he he) I will snort out "how can you sleep at such a time as this?" I guess I get so agravated in part because I'm envious, wish I could just decide, well, here is something that I can't control, and I'm not having any fun so I'll just go to sleep and let everyone else solve the problem!
Yes, I'm choloric-sanguine but foremost I'm a daughter of the only King that knows everything, owns everything (that I haven't stolen and put a do not disturb sign on), can solve everything, and by the way have I mentioned He can be everywhere at once? I'm His daughter and He cares for me.
Sometimes it's the simple songs that I remember from 'the good ole days' that mean the most. Songs like, "I will cast all my cares upon Him, I lay all of my burdens down at His feet, and any time that I don't know what to do, I will cast all my cares upon You!" "At the cross at the cross where I first saw the light and the burdens of my heart rolled away..." "All to Jesus I surrender all to Him I freely give..."
It's so easy to sing those songs but takes so much effort, diligence and humility to act upon those words!

Puberty Round 2

Hello, Me here-yes, that is me hiding behind Mt. Everest on the left cheek and Humphry's Peek on the chin.

So with my front tooth being pulled to get braces installed in a month and 5 new huge pimples over the last few weeks, the joke of testimony service yesterday is that Karen is going through puberty. HA HA.

Actually, Karen is going through a lot right now and I feel very lonely. PS 139 was so comforting yesterday....there is no where to escape God and I know He will never leave me nor forsake me!

Do you really know how many foods don't have glutten, wheat, wheat starch, modified starch (wheat they just don't want to admit it!)? Lets just say how many foods don't! Ok, so Chester Cheeto saved my day when I'm depressed and wanted to munch, he makes his chips from corn thank God! Cheese and chocolate that is all I need today! Wow, am I really PMSing?

How come everybody else's blogs are so peppy? Are they not experiencing chronic pain, chronic fatigue, a pulled tooth, junk food depravity? And who ever thought I should eliminate soda right before all this food goes? Why have I only lost 6 lbs? How do I scream on a blog?

Bitter Sweet Joy

Allyssa, so happy in her Daddy's lap, wearing his hat knows all attention is on her...well is it?

Jordan, so happy to be near his mom doesn't care whether it's on her lap or across the desk from her....or does he?

I am done fighting. At least fighting for what I want! I trully want God's best! My children and I need each other and July 2nd I gave my 60 day notice of resignation to First Choice Pregnancy Center, I will be a full time stay at home mom on September 16, 2008!

Jordan will begin Kindergarten in homeschool with a full-time mom teaching him on September 29th, 2008. I have been teaching pre-school half-heartedly an hour here two hours there, no more we will simultaneously complete pre-school and begin Kindergarten full-time. God has called, my husband has spoken, I will obey! It is the desire of my heart for our children to be homeschooled and as hard as I try time won't slow down for this busy director, so this busy director passes that hat!

I will remain on the Board of Directors at the center and look forward to continuing as a public speaker for them, and trainer but all that will have to fit around my family, not my family around everything else.

This has been a very difficult decision and I'm still very passionate about the ministry of First Choice but my ministry as a mom has got to come first!

I will never regret choosing to stay home with my kids, I just pray that my kids will never regret me being home! Yikes!

Happy Birthday Allyssa

"Happy Birthday too you, Happy Birthday too you." "Allyssa is the girl, that the Lord has made" these were songs as tradition prevails that were a part of our special family evening. Allyssa saw my icecream on my plate and has paused on her frosting for a moment in order to get some Java Chip. She of course started eating her chocolate cake with whipped cream frosting as any princess would, one poke & place delicately in the mouth at a time until she "accidentally" wiped it on her nose and I didn't get mad but instead giggled and said "dive in baby! That's the way!" Then she realized all princess garb aside, mom's blessing this dive I'm going in 2 fisted! Hopefully you can see the hairdoo she has given to herself also.

Time goes so quickly

"How did she get to be so lovely? How did she grow to be....Sunrise, Sunset, quickly go the years. One season following another...." If you have watched any of Fiddler on the Roof as many times as I have watched parts (not the entire movie, ever) then you will recognize these words. As a mom of a BABY girl I can fully understand what it must feel like to wake up and kiss your children goodbye to their life as I can not believe...Princess Allyssa is one year old!

With all that is going on in life I couldn't bear the stress of a "birthday party" so we had a quiet dinner at home with cake and ice cream-you'll enjoy the next post:-)

Locks of Love

Hey, I never posted my third Locks of Love Donation result.

My husband likes my hair long, I like my hair short, so this is the compromise. I get to grow it out for Locks of Love. LoL requires a minimum of 10" donation and Brent requires my hair to at least touch a part of my shoulders-I stretched it this time and it's layered and there was only a few hairs in that longest layer but I met the rule:-) He has been begging me to grow my hair to my waist this time and then donate 10" so that my hair will stay long. I don't think so!

Actually this picture was taken about a week ago (mid-June). This donation was made the end of March and I had to have it trimmed to the "style" in time for the center's banquet in May. But now we are in the grow out stage and there will be no "style cuts" for at least two more years.

It's a Happy Day

I'm sitting in my office, amazed that I only had about two hours worth of important work and before heading out decided to blog. So, then I start starring at this empty page thinking what on earth do I have to say?
In the men's ministry that Brent has been with for over 12 years now, one guy faithfully testified, "I thank God for the weather - it's a happy day". We used to tease Tony, is that the only testimony you have? But there is so much to be said for such a testimony!
I do praise God for the weather. It may be 107 degrees outside with a wind of about 15 miles an hour to make sure you feel every heat wave, but I'm not in 100% humidity in Iowa or any other state that is flooded out right now. Or in another country cleaning up after a hurricane. Yes, it was easy to long after the rain showers they were expecting up north today, but me....I'm happy.
Thank you Lord for all different weather variations. If nothing else tests our contentment and ability to praise Him in all things the weather is sure too!

I heard this joke today, a couple are getting ready to celebrate their anniversary. The husband is planning and says, "we need to dress up and go all out....expensive, money no object tonight baby!" So they get all dressed up, get in the car and drive to the nearest gas station and fill the gas tank! $4.23 a gallon for regular gasoline in Pahrump, Nevada today, it's a bargain compared to $4.69 a gallon in areas of Las Vegas!

Poop is poop, no matter how you "eat" it

WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN TWO BOYS FIND AN OLD DOG DISH OUTSIDE?
Well, for my boy and his bestfriend....poop. I'll just list the ingredients and add directions. (I would suggest leaving out the tasting!)

1 Old Dog Dish
1 Chicken egg cracked by the dog some hours ago
2 Boys urinating in the dish
Several handfuls from the compost (Goat poop & straw)

Stir after you add each ingredient.

Yes, this really happened; yes, I never, ever thought that my boy would be this much boy! Thank God he hasn't gotten over his lack of agility at least his adventures are ground level. Yikes!

Happy Summer!

Welcome to summer! With temperatures creeping closer and closer to 100 degrees, it is easier to accept that summer is here. Brent has switched to days during summer break, 6 am to 2:30 pm. Of course this switches my schedule at the center too. Days which I have a babysitter available I work 12:30 or 1:00 pm -? and those days with no babysitter I work 3:00 pm - ? Funny, I have always been the spontaneous flexible one and Brent Mr. plan control robot...can we actually flip roles?

Our children are teaching me to love the outdoors more than ever before. As you all know both of them like to be the center of attention, well that requires an audience....so when I say time to play outside I'd better be ready to be summoned to join them. If anyone is wondering, sunshine does improve ones emotions. For the better unless it is over 100 w/ no shade but time the sunshine accordingly and it's great. I'm looking forward to getting a kiddie pool and splashing up some giggles.

Not my will, but Yours be done

I want God's will to resignate every aspect of my being and impact every area of my life.
I want to remain surrendered to Him and left Him be Lord of all.
Then I must not whine when His will is complete and He didn't consult mine!

Changes

If life weeren't full of changes what would we know but boredom & stagnation?

Do the flowers whine as much as I when the seasons change?
Does a catepillar crry in the cacoon?
Change is often painful.

Does the wind question why must I blow today?
Do the rain and sun quarrel for work each day?
Change is often painful.

God's word says that the rocks will cry out and praise Him,
the trees will raise their arms and Praise Him,
can I not praise Him?
Change is often painful.

Can I do it?

In January I was envious of my best friend's blog. She talked me into creating one.

I knew some how I don't have time to maintain one...I'd heard you post something every day. Yet I caved and I've managed to just post less than 10 posts in 5 months. WOW! I'm a mother of 2, Tomie a mother of 6! How does this even calculate?

Yes, I manage a non-profit organization that keeps me too busy but she is busy. I guess it's priority. I need to work on my priorities this summer! I want my mojo back!

Priorities: 1. Re-create my personal scrapbooking area
2. Create a homeschool classroom for Jordan
3. One post to my blog a week June - August minimum

Can I do it?

Pitcher full of Pleasure

Roses: Most dictionaries would have some sort of definition referring to these simply as flowers. Yet, the dictionary of my heart defines roses as "Pure Pleasure". Especially displayed on the dining room table with decor emphasising the occasion.
I grew up eating in front of the tv and don't remember but one or two occasions of eating at my mom's dining room table. My husband grew up eating (I believe) every meal including snacks at the dining room table. So the compromise in our family has been to eat "special" family meals (generally Saturday dinner) at the dining room table. Yet, more and more often my son is asking "can we have a special meal @ the table?" Next week our families entire schedule will change around summer school break and I'm looking forward to some extra "special" meals around the dining room table together.

Thank heaven for little boys

Last night was one of the scarriest moments I've ever had.

I have a gum infection and the dentist had prescribed an antibiotic pill and oral wash. I'd taken my first tablet last night and about twenty minutes later I brushed my teeth and swished the oral wash.

Within 2 minutes I had hives on my back and itching in a few other places, kinda ignored as my skin is so sensitive that when it gets cold I tend to itch and get hives. However, my ears then felt like they were going to blow right off my head. I asked Jordan, my 4.5 year old son if my face was red. He said "oh mama, it's very red." So I looked in mirror and the peptobismal color shirt that I was wearing was a pale white compared to the deep red of my face and ears. I woke up my mom and showed her, she said I needed to call pharmasist that I was having an allergic reaction to some medicine. He told me to take 2 tsp of the children's Benedryl I had in house.

With in 30 minutes I was being rushed to the emergency room. My balloons, I mean feet were rock hard nails had turned purple-black, my heartbeat was 100 and increasing, I was hyperventalating because I couldn't catch my breath and I had blisters covering my body. I basically looked like the inside of an overripe watermelon.

In the middle of all of this Jordan told my mom to watch over me and went in the hallway and started praying. He came in after a moment, and said "mama this is the plan, you need to call all the women @ First Choice Pregnancy Center (work, and he never shortens the name) and tell them to pray for you; you'd better call Miss Barbara first because she's a nurse she'll take care of you.

Jordan was quite my man last night. He was so worried when Daddy wouldn't let him come to hospital with us. I thought the world was going to end today when he heard I was going to work alone today. He needed to do his job and watch over me. I choke up thinking about how compassionate this boy that can really drive me crazy is.

The emergency room experience was incredible, our normal waiting time is 2-3 hours, I was w/ a physician in 10 minutes. He gave me steroids and the Benedryl was kicking in so he observed for an hour and I was able to go home and sleep.

Thank heaven for my little boy who could be so calm!

Java Jordy

Jordy was less than 18 months in this photo. It is his induction to being "his Mommy's Boy! I scrapbooked this page with embellishments from Starbucks and took the completed art to the manager @ my local Starbucks to show her and a lady behind me started yelling @ me for giving my baby coffee!

First of all maam, this is an empty cup, no one could touch a full cup of mine and live; then we must all understand that coffee is in my blood, any addiction began @ conception.

Love you Java Jordy!