August...summer monsoons. If I can't spell that right it's because I haven't had the pleasure of seeing much of them in action this year. We didn't have many rains to brag about. But one in July when I let Jordy put on his sweatshirt and boots and play in the rain for about 30 minuts-jump in the mud until you're too cold to stand it! Then this last weekend we had some great rain surely not enough to clean the car after putting mud all over it....but it sure was beautiful to go step out in & get drenched! I loved every minute of it.
In mid-July I took a long list of health issues and questions I had to my general practioner and she catergorized them for me by specialist and handled her duties that day had her assistant start on a bunch of referrals and insurance authorizations for some tests. So, now I see general practioner for basic health and basic hub of all medical then I have neurologist, rheumotologist (fibromyalgia), psychiatrist, etc., I'm trying to think of the easiest way to update you all....
July-beginning of August was full of a lot of health complications. Odd dizziness, having to stop myself from passing out several times, having pettymal seizures (starring in space) seizures that caused my head, shoulders and the right side of my body to flail and leave me speachless for up to hours on end; a few changes of health, life and medication for my bi-polar have caught me battling a lot of depression; with all of that a bad flare up of fibromyalsia caught me by suprise and when I realized what it was I started crying because I'd forgotten that I battle that too!
We believe we have found the cause of everything listed above through the seizures. I'm being watched carefully still. I have started going to a chiropractor who has had success treating fibro patients. That flare up I'd mentioned was in my neck it was a headache of 10 days and he broke it the first adjustment. They are still working on my muscles with my flare up it isn't calming down yet. But anyone who knows about fibro knows that tension (children going through new phases which include a lot of tests, and change that is difficult for us to deal with) is not our best friend so it kinda slows us down.
Due to all the seizure activity I have not been driving since the end of June or so. I am so relaxed allowing others to drive yet I miss my independance. Needing others to come by and visit to check on me and the kids (though I don't need them here all day any more) is difficult for me. On the side that I'm lonely and feel like I am partly home bound it's easy to understand the need, but it is difficult for me to reach out and continue to ask for help because I find another layer of fleshly control and stubborness and self pitty getting in the way, yeah it's hard.
Why are we so afraid to be ourselves with each other? Are we so set up for rejection that we have to protect ourselves so strongly that we can't be ourselves? I think not! Oh, how we fool ourselves, if we'd just put down our guards for even one minute how many of us could relate to what the other is going through and how many of us would be healed? I'm not trying to be on a soap box, I do it my self. That is why I'm crying so hard right now.
Lord Jesus forgive me and help me to be more like you. More reliant on you and understanding that you are my provider of all things. Help me to continue to share my journey to give you the glory and that others may come to know You in Your goodness and have a closer relationship with You.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Saturday, July 25, 2009
What happened May
May, First Choice Pregnancy Centers annual banquet; my official good bye and passing the baton to the new director officially.
Brent's Aunt Debbie came to spend the end of her vacation with us. I love her so much. We are very close, we act more like sisters than in-laws, and believe that God has established this relationship. She happened to be here for the banquet and that helped to relieve my anxiety of the unknown reaction I'd have to the bittersweet finality of FCPC ministry.
Dan and Connie Ambrecht, whom I have had the priviledge of becoming close friends with were the speakers again this year that topped off my goodbye; along with the Jubilee danceteam performing the First Choice presentation that was first released when the baton was passed to me and not again until I passed the baton on and it was not purposely planned that way.
I had limited responsibility for the banquet but that is basically what consumed a lot of my minds energy that month. The event was of course absolutely beautiful and as far as how did I handle the goodbyes? I have walked away, and released control but still posses much passion for that ministry. Brent has one area that he would love for me to be able to volunteer for them and it is one of my favorite passions it just isn't quite time yet, and I can't do it by myself and need to see some more people in place first.
It never ceases to amazes me that with this passion God still honors this passion and I have had the opportunity to talk to a few people in different ways considering the sanctity and vulnerability of life and I praise Him and give Him glory for it.
Brent's Aunt Debbie came to spend the end of her vacation with us. I love her so much. We are very close, we act more like sisters than in-laws, and believe that God has established this relationship. She happened to be here for the banquet and that helped to relieve my anxiety of the unknown reaction I'd have to the bittersweet finality of FCPC ministry.
Dan and Connie Ambrecht, whom I have had the priviledge of becoming close friends with were the speakers again this year that topped off my goodbye; along with the Jubilee danceteam performing the First Choice presentation that was first released when the baton was passed to me and not again until I passed the baton on and it was not purposely planned that way.
I had limited responsibility for the banquet but that is basically what consumed a lot of my minds energy that month. The event was of course absolutely beautiful and as far as how did I handle the goodbyes? I have walked away, and released control but still posses much passion for that ministry. Brent has one area that he would love for me to be able to volunteer for them and it is one of my favorite passions it just isn't quite time yet, and I can't do it by myself and need to see some more people in place first.
It never ceases to amazes me that with this passion God still honors this passion and I have had the opportunity to talk to a few people in different ways considering the sanctity and vulnerability of life and I praise Him and give Him glory for it.
Trying of your faith
Some times we fly through life so confident. We think we have it by the tail. We have good habits and tend to even brag. Say for instance we are faithful to read our bible daily, we encourage others to do so. We are great at doing devotions and merrily we go our way. Faith could be our middle name.
What about the times that we are weary? Or ......angry at God.....and the above is far from describing us?
I don't know where I was in May (oh yes I do, I owe you another post); but June through July has been a spritual battle for me that I was not fighting. The hardest part for me to admit to the Lord was that before the battle fell hard God gave me a dream of warning that I was in a real physical battle and in the dream I realized it was a spritual battle and began to win and fight off the creatures that I was physically fighting because I began using the proper weapons for the spritual war that was not of flesh and blood.
How quickly I didn't heed the warning and just thought wow what a neat dream.
As I stood before God today with 2 sisters holding my arms up physically because I was too weary to humbly stand as cried out God, God spoke to me of His love just as He would if it was a time of walking confidently in His presence.
My dear sisters, count it all joy when you fall into divers temptations; knowing this that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work that you may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing. James 1:2-4
What about the times that we are weary? Or ......angry at God.....and the above is far from describing us?
I don't know where I was in May (oh yes I do, I owe you another post); but June through July has been a spritual battle for me that I was not fighting. The hardest part for me to admit to the Lord was that before the battle fell hard God gave me a dream of warning that I was in a real physical battle and in the dream I realized it was a spritual battle and began to win and fight off the creatures that I was physically fighting because I began using the proper weapons for the spritual war that was not of flesh and blood.
How quickly I didn't heed the warning and just thought wow what a neat dream.
As I stood before God today with 2 sisters holding my arms up physically because I was too weary to humbly stand as cried out God, God spoke to me of His love just as He would if it was a time of walking confidently in His presence.
My dear sisters, count it all joy when you fall into divers temptations; knowing this that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work that you may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing. James 1:2-4
Friday, April 24, 2009
So, how about me?
I can't believe how long it has been since I've written about me. Many have called and emailed wondering how I'm doing, and when will I post an update-so here it goes.
I must start of course with God is always good and when I am weak He is always strong. If it were not for His grace I would be nothing.
Where to start?
This last month I've lost over 400lbs. What? Forgiveness. That is where it is at. In the people I have forgiven combined I released a total of 400lbs of people out of a cage of bitterness from my heart! PRAISE GOD! Spiritually this was a real break through a lot of wrestling and conversing with God had to be done with God to bring me to the point of surrender and then the time came that I realized that I was in fault also that I had sinned also and needed forgiveness by being disobedient and holding unforgiveness in my heart along with a list of many other things.
Physically I was able to weigh at the doctors office and since September I've lost 36 lbs so I'm averaging about 5 lbs a month which is the healthy keep it off for good weight loss. 6 inches off the midriff and 8 off the waist. YEAH. Wish they'd fall off the hips that fast so I could find jeans that I could keep up! My fibromyalgia has flaired up something aweful and I'm in a lot of pain and need prayer. I don't like to take pain medicine or be down in bed and miss any time with my family.
Emotionally I had a bit of a set back and hit a depression bump in the road that threw my med's way off and they needed to be adjusted, but praise God He has me with a doctor who has much experience with bi-polar patients and she knew exactly what was going on with me and an hour later I was brand new again.
I continue to pray that through all of this God will receive all glory and honor and that I will be a light unto someone's dark path to Jesus. He is the only hope that we have.
Brent is doing well and has taken over homeschool as I'm overwhelmed with surviving and loving the children right now. (Have I mentioned that I'm lonely?)
The kids are growing like weeds. Jordy is over 4ft tall and Ally's words are coming in quickly. I am loving being with the kids and so glad that I get to see their development and how their personalities are developing.
Now I can close with our God is so BIG so strong and so mighty there is nothing my God can not do!
I must start of course with God is always good and when I am weak He is always strong. If it were not for His grace I would be nothing.
Where to start?
This last month I've lost over 400lbs. What? Forgiveness. That is where it is at. In the people I have forgiven combined I released a total of 400lbs of people out of a cage of bitterness from my heart! PRAISE GOD! Spiritually this was a real break through a lot of wrestling and conversing with God had to be done with God to bring me to the point of surrender and then the time came that I realized that I was in fault also that I had sinned also and needed forgiveness by being disobedient and holding unforgiveness in my heart along with a list of many other things.
Physically I was able to weigh at the doctors office and since September I've lost 36 lbs so I'm averaging about 5 lbs a month which is the healthy keep it off for good weight loss. 6 inches off the midriff and 8 off the waist. YEAH. Wish they'd fall off the hips that fast so I could find jeans that I could keep up! My fibromyalgia has flaired up something aweful and I'm in a lot of pain and need prayer. I don't like to take pain medicine or be down in bed and miss any time with my family.
Emotionally I had a bit of a set back and hit a depression bump in the road that threw my med's way off and they needed to be adjusted, but praise God He has me with a doctor who has much experience with bi-polar patients and she knew exactly what was going on with me and an hour later I was brand new again.
I continue to pray that through all of this God will receive all glory and honor and that I will be a light unto someone's dark path to Jesus. He is the only hope that we have.
Brent is doing well and has taken over homeschool as I'm overwhelmed with surviving and loving the children right now. (Have I mentioned that I'm lonely?)
The kids are growing like weeds. Jordy is over 4ft tall and Ally's words are coming in quickly. I am loving being with the kids and so glad that I get to see their development and how their personalities are developing.
Now I can close with our God is so BIG so strong and so mighty there is nothing my God can not do!
3 Things About Me
Three Names I have been called:
Care Care
Karen Sue Sue
Mommy
Three Jobs I have had in my life:
Pregnancy Center Director
Book-keeper
Administrator
Three Places I have lived:
Las Vegas, NV
Bullhead City, AZ
Redwood City, CA
Three TV Shows That I Watch:
Beth Moore
Design on a Dime
Jon and Kate plus 8
Three places I have been?
TN
OR
CO
Three People that e-mail me regularly:
Too many to list
Three of my favorite foods:
Mexican
Annie’s Glutten Free Mac & Cheese
Breyer’s Coffee Ice Cream
Three friends I think will respond:
Theresa
Lora
Tomie
Three things I am looking forward to:
1. Clifford the Big Red Dog Museum Expo w/ family
2. Scrap Yard Sale (I’ll have my scrap area complete)
3. Heaven
Now, here's what you're supposed to do...if you want to join the fun.Copy this list to an email, delete my answers and type in your answers. Then send this to a few good friends and family INCLUDING me (bktaylormade@yahoo.com) The theory is that you will learn something new...
Care Care
Karen Sue Sue
Mommy
Three Jobs I have had in my life:
Pregnancy Center Director
Book-keeper
Administrator
Three Places I have lived:
Las Vegas, NV
Bullhead City, AZ
Redwood City, CA
Three TV Shows That I Watch:
Beth Moore
Design on a Dime
Jon and Kate plus 8
Three places I have been?
TN
OR
CO
Three People that e-mail me regularly:
Too many to list
Three of my favorite foods:
Mexican
Annie’s Glutten Free Mac & Cheese
Breyer’s Coffee Ice Cream
Three friends I think will respond:
Theresa
Lora
Tomie
Three things I am looking forward to:
1. Clifford the Big Red Dog Museum Expo w/ family
2. Scrap Yard Sale (I’ll have my scrap area complete)
3. Heaven
Now, here's what you're supposed to do...if you want to join the fun.Copy this list to an email, delete my answers and type in your answers. Then send this to a few good friends and family INCLUDING me (bktaylormade@yahoo.com) The theory is that you will learn something new...
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
For Today
This morning in my devotional, “How to Age with Style” from Jennifer Rothschild’s Fresh Grounded Faith I was deeply touched by two quotes, “Life goes on” and “Then maybe someday, someone will look at our lives and say, ‘She was my rock star, and I was her groupie’.”
The first quote really touched me as many of you have asked how I’m doing and this would be my response: I am doing well on some days and others not so good but life goes on. I am so grateful that I have Jesus living in me to work through me in this. My daily cry is still to God be the glory! I’m so blessed to have such a great support team I feel that I can never thank you enough.
The next quote for me blended in a way with the first. It brought back a memory from right before I quit directing the center; I was extremely emotional and attempting to explain the array of emotions to my mom and one of the things that came out was that I felt she did not care about what I’d just poured my heart into for the last 2 years. She began to weep and expressed how proud she was of me and that she looked up to me in some areas. She reminded me of the time she spent earlier that year being my “groupie” following me from church to church to hear me speak of my passion of life Sunday after Sunday for about seven weeks. I am learning just as Jennifer wrote of that family is the most precious groupies in life and I can lead them to respect me and want to be around me and seek me out in a crowd or disrespect me and desire to loose me in a crowd.
The first quote really touched me as many of you have asked how I’m doing and this would be my response: I am doing well on some days and others not so good but life goes on. I am so grateful that I have Jesus living in me to work through me in this. My daily cry is still to God be the glory! I’m so blessed to have such a great support team I feel that I can never thank you enough.
The next quote for me blended in a way with the first. It brought back a memory from right before I quit directing the center; I was extremely emotional and attempting to explain the array of emotions to my mom and one of the things that came out was that I felt she did not care about what I’d just poured my heart into for the last 2 years. She began to weep and expressed how proud she was of me and that she looked up to me in some areas. She reminded me of the time she spent earlier that year being my “groupie” following me from church to church to hear me speak of my passion of life Sunday after Sunday for about seven weeks. I am learning just as Jennifer wrote of that family is the most precious groupies in life and I can lead them to respect me and want to be around me and seek me out in a crowd or disrespect me and desire to loose me in a crowd.
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