Great Bundles of Joy

THEIR BACCCCKKKK!!!!!
You've all wondered if I've fallen off the face of the earth? No! I've been wrapped into the arms of my two bundles of joy who returned home on February 5th at about 5:30 pm. by about 4:30 I couldn't take the waiting any longer. My in-laws were driving the kids home so I went and parked at the Saddle West where they would be staying and called their cell phone and between mom, Jordan and Allyssa we basically talked the entire Blue Diamond drive.
Silly me I thought I'd be able to slide the kids right into my rigid routine that I'd just become acustom to and wow, what a shock I was in for! I have been able to settle on meal times and decide that I have to be firm on bedtime and can not be a softy on the weekend -Daddy!

I have adjusted a great deal to the newness of life this last few months have brought so much change and sometimes that is exciting but mostly that is overwhelming and often it brings tears. I just thank God that those tears are no longer depression that is no longer out of control.

I love you all.

Another Promise I'm holding on Tight

When life finds us in times we don't understand where do we turn? Dr. Phil? Not me. I choose to turn to the word of God. Today in my quiet time meditating on His word I found in scripture what the cry of my heart had been at the beginning of this journey....whatever this is Lord, please let it be for Your glory!
I think that this is an uplifting promise to stand on today, I did read it in King James I just put a Karen updation on it for my friends:-)
Love you all!
Psalm 30:11-12
You Oh Lord have turned for me my mourning into dancing: You have put off my sackcloth {sorrow, rage and shame} and girded me with gladness; to the end that my glory may sing praise to thee, not be silent. Oh Lord my God, I will give thanks unto thee forever!:
You Oh Lord have turned for me my mourning into dancing: You have put off my sackcloth {sorrow, rage and shame} and girded me with gladness; to the end that my glory may sing praise to thee, not be silent. Oh Lord my God, I will give thanks unto thee forever!

Fun things to share

IF youwant to participate and have a blog copy and paste to your blog then make bold what you have already done.
IF you don't have a blog but want me to know these things about you and have email you can copy and paste the list to email and do the same.
Just a bit of fun.
1. Started your own blog (helllooo LOL)
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo (some of you wish I hadn't sang some that I have Hee Hee)
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch (Tomie, doesn't scrapbooking count?)
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train (this is a dream of mine)
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Hugged a goat (Watched goats be born)
26. Can say the alphabet backwards without writing it down (I added this one)
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola (This is high up on my to do list)
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Are you in the agile group or just not so agile group? (Me? Don't even come close to agile group! Again, I must say.....Jaana, no need for ad-lib here! :-) )
41. Sung karaoke (my favorite time was w/ my mother in law @ a New Years Party)
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud (I made the mud patties for my friends and had them eat them)
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie (a home movie)
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business (CanToo! Business Services)
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies (Missionettes, I remember selling candles)
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets, or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job (Jaana-no passing out here!)
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle (the motorcycle couldn't get up to speed I fell off on my rumpous as soon as Steve started going!)
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person (Must-See for everyone!!)
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper (Do school newspapers count I was also editor?)
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Had your heart stop
91. Met someone famous (Kurt Russel signed a hat for me @ the golf course I worked @)
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby x2
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone (are the people that haven't yet?)
99. Been stung by a bee (worst was stuck in my sunglasses stung by my eye talk about fear!)
100. Read an entire book in one day (not since having kids but once I did)

1. Started your own blog (do I really have to answer this LOL)
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo (in the shower he he)
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea14. Taught yourself an art from scratch15. Adopted a child16. Had food poisoning17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty18. Grown your own vegetables19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France20. Slept on an overnight train (as much as you can with a 4 month old)21. Had a pillow fight22. Hitch hiked23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill (who hasn't??)24. Built a snow fort25. Hugged a goat26. Gone skinny dipping (don't ask)27. Run a Marathon28. Ridden in a gondola29. Seen a total eclipse30. Watched a sunrise or sunset31. Hit a home run32. Been on a cruise33. Seen Niagara Falls in person34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors35. Seen an Amish community36. Taught yourself a new language37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person39. Gone rock climbing40. Seen Michelangelo’s David41. Sung karaoke42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant44. Visited Africa45. Walked on a beach by moonlight46. Been transported in an ambulance47. Had your portrait painted48. Gone deep sea fishing49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling52. Kissed in the rain53. Played in the mud54. Gone to a drive-in theater55.. Been in a movie (a home movie)56. Visited the Great Wall of China57. Started a business (CTMH)58. Taken a martial arts class59. Visited Russia60. Served at a soup kitchen61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies (I was even in a girl scout calender!)62. Gone whale watching63. Got flowers for no reason64. Donated blood, platelets, or plasma65. Gone sky diving66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp (went to the Holocaust museum at the Smithsonian in DC)67. Bounced a check68. Flown in a helicopter69. Saved a favorite childhood toy70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial71. Eaten Caviar72. Pieced a quilt73. Stood in Times Square74. Toured the Everglades75. Been fired from a job76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London77. Broken a bone (same one twice)78. Been on a speeding motorcycle (well since I am a chicken 35 is speeding to me LOL)79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person (Must-See for everyone!!)80. Published a book81. Visited the Vatican82. Bought a brand new car (new to me and with less than 30,000 miles)83. Walked in Jerusalem84. Had your picture in the newspaper (do mug shots count..... totally kidding)85. Read the entire Bible86. Visited the White House (not actually inside, just out in front of the gate)87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating88. Had chickenpox89. Saved someone’s life90. Had your heart stop91. Met someone famous92. Joined a book club93. Lost a loved one94. Had a baby x695. Seen the Alamo in person96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake97. Been involved in a law suit98. Owned a cell phone99. Been stung by a bee (a wasp)100. Read an entire book in one day (not since having kids but once I did ;) )

Grass Withers, Flowers Die....

BUT THE WORD OF THE LORD STANDS FOR EVER
This morning as I start roaming the house I interrupt my routine with watering the house plants instead of starting the coffee pot and getting right into my quiet time with the Lord. While watering the plants I’m feeling no conviction or guilt that didn’t come until I was into about the 20th minute of "cleaning" a plant that I started to feel was conviction but then I realized it was guilt and as I pondered that guilt I realized this was a God ordained moment and He had drawn me here to speak to me and this was an object lesson. Please, allow me to explain.
You see, about 3 years ago when I first started working @ First Choice Pregnancy center we had plants every where; not just little cute plants, but monstrous plants that were invading every room so I called an Aunt of mine who knows every thing there is to know about house plants and asked for advice. So I had to describe from Pahrump to Vancouver Washington over the phone every type of plant we had and she gave me transplanting instructions for healthy and pruning instructions for dying branches (this is quite a challenge over the phone as there is a lot to look for in healthy vs. dying). One way she suggested hosting these transplants because of the type of plants they were was in the see through large vases with or without beta fish. With this storage she gave me some specific instruction.
Cut off the bottom 4 or 5 leaves to leave plenty of water room for the roots to establish.
Freshen the water frequently. Take the vase to the sink and let the water flow into the vase to let the "stinky" water flow out this will get the stinky water out and keep your roots fresh and clean, algae free. If you wait to long and you keep your house clean and you walk in and go say "what is that smell?" It is you plant!
Well, with 2 youngsters, a husband, a mom, a job, and myself to care for you can guess that the transplants that I took (we each took about 4-5) myself with were blessed to get water dumped on them let alone never saw my sink until today.
After 2 recent trips to the hospital these vases had become extremely low of water and the "dead" leaves were too many for me so one day on the phone I stood and picked leaves and noticed that the root rot had become extreme.
So here I am today at the kitchen sink dealing with this root rot. Picking each stem out one by one carefully because if you touch the leaves with your fingers or the roots with your fingers you can kill the plants.
I cried as I through some of the most beautiful stems away, luscious green thriving leaves on them but fungus eating away the stem and the root had rotted and was climbing the bottom leaves.
God began to show me that we can look so beautiful on the outside sometimes and yet we are covered with a spiritual fungus. Our leaves are really dying and they are actually poisonous. If someone were to rub up against us that poisonous fungus would spread. Our roots under the skin in our heart where only God can see because they are suppose to be attached to Him have long since rotted away with compromise and that compromise has begun that fungus and it is eating away the stem which is the blood supply of Jesus’ grace and we are in vast danger of dying.
It was extremely painful for me at that point to take my shears and cut away roots in some cases and pray that new ones would grow. In some cases I had to throw the entire stem away. In some cases it was just a matter of pruning off some dead leaves. In some cases I was throwing an entire root ball away and couldn’t tell what it’d been attached to and that was said because it should have meant a tremendous amount of growth!
Oh God, master gardener that you are, take your shearers and prune me as only you can do before it’s entirely too late and I like the stems that had to be thrown away.

Few Miles Down the Road

Well, I've been journeying a few miles now and the road is not quite as scary. Some of you know how our "Christmas" week went yet most of you do not. We are blessed that we had a month to prepare ourselves for the family decision that this year there was going to be no material focus in December, that there was going to be no hype around December 25th and if that would not have been planned for one month I would have had a much more difficult decision on my hands than I did December 23rd, what I will share with the group about that week is that Brent took the children and spent 5 days with his parents and the children in Sierra Vista, Arizona and we are so blessed that his parents are enjoying the month of January bonding with our children in a time frame that they have never been able to before (the kids stayed behind).
We miss the children greatly but know that my getting on a schedule, medicines stablized and recooperation is much more important and that the love and stability that they are receiving from Grandma and Poppa is a great blessing.
Brent and I have been looking back and seeing so many ways that God has actually been orchastrating this for months. Starting with hiring my assistant, Megan, in March last year. What seemed to be countless hours of her doing nothing was countless hours of her gleaning how to run the center in my abscence now. We went to lunch yesterday. She's amazed at how much she can tell others to do through the time God gave her with me. Brent and I see the week vacation that God gave me in September when I left the children with his parents as preparation for them to be with them this month. Brent's parents helped rent the car for him to bring the children for Christmas, with a Christmas check from a friend that more than paid for the car. Brent and I went back and forth whether he should add me to his health insurance or not in 2008. Nothing on earth could have been haucked to pay for the bills incurred had he not added me come open enrollment, in October. (O.K. I'm wrong. No wonder I love cows. God owns the cows on a thousand hills and He will provide with or without insurance. He has proved Himself faithful over and over again, including allowing this.)
My prayer again, is always....for Your glory Lord, all for Your glory!

Love, Honor and Respect

I received an email today, and this paragraph (offset in brown text instead of black text to set apart from mine) sent my mind spinning…(I know it doesn’t take much right now! Hey, there was a funny – yes the laughter is still buried in there somewhere)

It feels selfish, egotistical to “love” ourselves, but instead of being egotistical, it is absolutely essential. Remember, the Bible says to Love others as you love yourself. I began on the journey of loving and respecting myself, (I actually thought I already did) I knew I loved my kids, so for someone to say, “You can’t love someone else unless you love yourself” made no sense to me! But what I found was that once I began to truly love, honor and respect myself, I then could love my children more completely. I loved them from strength rather than from need.

Brent and I have been blessed in the last few years with the gift of being introduced to the series “Love and Respect” (many of you may be familiar with it. When the CD version was first given to us to listen to it was first difficult for me to receive as I thought it was just one more way of being told I had no respect for my husband. But what I have now been able to verbalize after a lot of healing is that no one ever taught me what that means. Now as I’m reading the statement above I’m contemplating the thought that while I have always known there has never been any love for myself have I ever known how to respect or honor myself? What does that mean?

Those who have known me for years know I was not taught to respect and honor my mother and at 39 I am still learning and regretting years of that pain. Then about a month ago I sat at my table and cried with a friend as we discussed the thought that the God tells us to honor our mother and father in the Bible with no conditions. He doesn’t tell you to honor them if they meet up to your expectations or their sins aren’t bigger than yours….God I don’t understand you want me to unconditionally love my parents and honor them and respect them and at this point I was going to say who taught me to do this? Oh God help me my unbelief! When I’m just to weak to look up to you and I just don’t get that you were there all along! Forgive me and pick me up. Thank you that you are unconditional!